Senior year of college By Kiki Pape

A poem written when life felt so uncertain and life felt very sweet in the present.

Senior year of college 

By Kiki Pape 

Throwing up in the airport bathroom. 

My parents are packing my suitcases. 

I am still a kid. 

I am on my own now. 

Writing and promoting my own dreams in my own words. 

I wish I had the confidence I had at eighteen.

But knowing nothing at twenty-two. 

Becoming something other than someone's girlfriend. 

I live out others' dreams rather than my own.

Wearing my grandma's blazer to my first career fair

Making each sitch. 

Acting on my class crush, 

Without a text back. 

Let him read my story aloud. 

My balance doesn’t seem right. 

A couple of days of fun, there wasn’t time to think that there wouldn’t be a tomorrow. 

It's been our reality for four years and counting. 

I visit the same view that brings me a sublime perspective on my life. 

What happens when you get everything you ever wanted? 

What's next?

First dates 

to first kisses

 to another one bites the dust. 

At least I am in the driver's seat this time. 

I was posted on my favorite indian restaurant’s Instagram. 

The only fame I experience. 

Living in our age of grieving, 

When friends don't leave because of fights

But it's because they have to catch their next flight. 

When your sisters become your college friends and high school becomes a fond memory; In the box I hide in my closet. 

I hope they always remember me in dressing their kids up in costumes, 

And finding my snort in their youngest daughter's laugh. 

Meeting my formal date at the bar 

while I stand in a wedding dress saying,

“I don’t want anything serious.”

Sabrina Carpenter's new sex position.