What makes an It Girl?

There is a girl you know.

Maybe you went to school with her, or maybe you only know her through a screen — but you definitely know her. 

She walks into a room and something shifts. It is not that she is the most beautiful person there, or the most expensively dressed, or even the loudest. It is something harder to name than any of that. She just has it. And everyone wants to copy it. 

The word "it" is not an accident. As in: you either have it, or you don't. 

As in: we'll know it when we see it.

The It Girl is not a new idea. She is as old as society pages and as current as your For You page. 

Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy, who made a slip dress and a low bun look like the most intentional thing anyone had ever done. Bianca Jagger, who rode a white horse into Studio 54 and somehow made that feel inevitable rather than insane. 

Then all the way back to Clara Bow in the 1920s, who started it all. 

What changes is the era. What stays the same is the feeling — that sense that someone has cracked a code the rest of us are trying to figure out. 

Think about the names that have carried this title across the decades. 

Kate Moss in the nineties, who made heroin chic sound like a compliment and a controversy simultaneously. Paris Hilton in the early 2000s, who we now understand was an absolute genius running a personal brand before personal brands had a name. Kim Kardashian, who industrialized the whole concept and somehow made it feel effortless anyway. Alix Earle, who brought it back down to a bathroom mirror and a messy bedroom and reminded everyone that relatability is its own kind of power.

None of them is the same. All of them had it.

The It Girl is all around us. She is a concept that exists in the pages, the channels, and the movies we watch. But she could also be the woman in our lives who drives the culture and never apologizes.

So how do you get it?

There is no gene for this. No blood test, no horoscope placement, no 23andMe report that comes back "congratulations, you have it."

The truth is, the term "It Girl" actually started in the 1920s with Clara Bow. And I know for a fact she didn't plan on being one, or even hear the term used about her. The whole idea of being "It" was introduced by affixing a label to a group of women who moved through the world with confidence and charisma.

Being able to walk into a room and demand it. 

Better defined by Raven Smith in Vogue: "When it comes to It girls, men want her, women want to be her, gays want to meme her."

The Two C's of Being It

If you asked me what every It Girl has in common, regardless of the decade, the aesthetic, or the follower count, I'd give you the same answer every time:

Confidence and charm.

Not confidence in the loud, performative sense. Not the kind that announces itself the second it walks into a room.

It's knowing who you are.

And even though I identify as an It Girl, I didn't always feel like one.

No one ever sat me down and told me, You're an It Girl. I decided that for myself.

I started noticing the qualities I admired in other It Girls showing up in me, too. The way I dressed. The things I was drawn to. The way I carried myself. The opinions I had, even when they weren't the popular ones.

For a while, though, I let the noise get to me.

Other people’s opinions. Social media. The constant comparison. And, honestly, just not always knowing who I was yet.

It's hard to feel like you have "it" when you're still trying to figure out what it is for yourself.

But that's the thing about confidence: it isn't something you're simply born with. You build it.

You figure out what you like. You figure out what you don't. You stop changing your mind because someone else doesn't understand your choice. You learn to trust your own taste, your own voice, your own instincts.

And somewhere in all of that, you become more comfortable being yourself.

That's the real It factor.

Not becoming the girl everyone else thinks you should be.

Becoming so comfortable with who you are that you don't need everyone else to agree.

The Downside of Being It No One Talks About

We love the It Girl until we don't.

As women, society has a funny way of pitting us against each other. For what? No one really knows. We admire these women. We study what they wear, how they talk, where they vacation, and what they order for lunch.

But the second they make a human mistake, the internet is ready to take the title away.

Maybe it's because seeing someone we consider "It" become human makes us uncomfortable. It doesn't fit into the box we've put them in.

But what separates the women who actually have it is that they never spend their time trying to prove they deserve it. They ignore the comments, keep building, and move on.

They stand tall because they know they're different — and they embrace it.

Hailey Bieber gets criticized for everything from being someone's wife to the way she parts her hair. Yet while people are busy dissecting her every move, she's built a billion-dollar brand.

Talk about the best revenge.

Because here's the thing about being an It Girl: you're too niche to fail.

Not because everyone likes you. Quite the opposite.

The women who become "It" always have people who don't get them. Their style isn't for everyone. Their personality isn't for everyone. Their choices aren't for everyone. But they're so committed to being themselves that they create a lane no one else can occupy.

The minute you start trying to be liked by everyone, you stop being interesting.

The women we remember — the Carolyn Bessette-Kennedys, the Paris Hiltons, the Kim Kardashians, the Alix Earles — never became icons because they were universally loved. They became icons because they were undeniably themselves.

And that's the biggest misconception about being an It Girl.

It isn't about perfection. It isn't about designer bags. It isn't about having the perfect outfit or the perfect body.

It's about having the confidence to be exactly who you are before the rest of the world tells you who you should be. That's the kind of thing no trend can give you — and no trend can take away.

Okay, But Where Did She Get That?

I was scrolling through my socials looking for inspiration, and everything started to look the same.

We all love Pinterest. We make boards for the girl we want to be, the apartment we want to live in, the places we want to go. But eventually, everything starts circulating. The same outfit. The same bag. The same shoes. The same “effortlessly cool” uniform.

At some point, you have to stop asking, What is everyone else wearing? And start asking, What do I actually like?

Because your taste is what makes you interesting.

The choices you make consistently become your style. The things you keep coming back to, even when they're no longer trending, are what eventually make people say, “That is so her.”

And honestly? You don't need a closet full of designer clothes to get there.

Some of my favorite places to find an It Girl outfit are:

• Thrifting

• Target or Walmart

• Hidden gems in different cities

• The It Girl Energy Boutique

The goal isn't to look expensive.

It's to look like you know yourself.

That's exactly what I love about It Girl Energy Boutique.

Founded by Sophia Carlesimo, a Michigan-based entrepreneur and It Girl herself, the online boutique is built around finding pieces that feel fun, feminine, and completely your own.

And that's the difference.

It's not about walking into a room looking like you copied someone's Pinterest board. It's about finding the pieces that make you feel a little more like you.

The right pair of jeans. A dress you weren't expecting to love. A jacket that somehow makes every outfit better. The slightly ridiculous accessory you almost talked yourself out of buying — and then somehow wear constantly.

Those are the pieces that build a wardrobe with personality.

Because being an It Girl isn't about having unlimited options.

It's about knowing which ones are yours.

The It Girl isn't the girl who walks into a room wearing exactly what everyone else is wearing.

She's the girl who walks in wearing something that makes everyone else wonder where she got it.